


Divide and Conquer

by Catricious



Series: Divide and Conquer [1]
Category: Death Note
Genre: Attempt at Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-25
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-01-09 23:04:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1151860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catricious/pseuds/Catricious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roger has made the deadly mistake of underestimating Mello.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Mello scowled at the noticeboard. It was a new semester, and roommates had been shuffled. Mello had been sorted with Stark and Rinn, a massive oversight on Rogers' part.

Partly because Mello tended to… er, _damage_ anyone he shared a confined space with. But mostly because he had been separated from his top minion, Matt.

"This is ridiculous! Roger's fucking senile! We need to fix this, Matty. This is war," Mello informed him seriously. "I hope you're mentally prepared for this. It'll be tough, Matt. There may be casualties."

Matt, his best friend and the only person to endure Mello's company willingly and without injury, gave a shrug, not looking up from his handheld game. Mello took this as permission to use any means necessary.

"Excellent. Meet me at the rendezvous point at midnight." The redhead saluted lazily. Mello put on a pair of dark sunglasses melodramatically (Matt sniggered) and left, casting suspicious glances about his path and making a gun with his fingers. Matt watched, bemused as his friend rolled to the wall silently, hissing commands ("Alpha Charlie Bravo Mango! Jenga!") into an imaginary radio and making hand-signals to his invisible back-up.


	2. A Rendezvous At Midnight

"This is insane." Matt said for the fifth time.

Mello rolled his eyes.

"Since when has that mattered to you?"

"Since we grew too big to fit under this table. I mean really, Mels. Nobody's here, can't we just sit on chairs like normal people-"

"No! Normal people are boring! And they're always the first to die in an apocalypse!"

Matt raised an eyebrow.

"Fine," Mello sighed. "But if we get probed by giant pink fish, don't come crying to me."

The pair crawled out from under the dining hall table and settled in chairs on either side. Mello pulled detailed blueprints from his backpack and smoothed them out on the table.

"So, what's the plan?" Matt prompted, and Mello consulted his notebook of 'evil plans'.

"I'm thinking a super-virus."

"Okay, do you have one?"

"Not yet," Mello looked up from his neatly-written dot-points (of Doom). "But I'm pretty sure we could fabricate one on our own, given time."

"Yeah, we probably could," Matt conceded. "But we don't really have time, and I'd prefer a non-lethal method."

Mello nodded and uncapped a black marker, beginning to cross out the lethal ideas. Knowing Mello, it would take a while. Matt reached into his pocket.

17th Magikarp caught (for shits and giggles), Mello made a satisfied noise, indicating a job well done and lots of wasted marker ink.

"So," Matt shifted his thumb, and cut off Nurse Joy mid-sentence. "Ideas?"

"How do you feel about arson charges?"

"No."

"Alien hoax?"

"Too much work."

"Flood the dorms?"

"And have to clean up after?"

"Blackmail Roger?"

"Legal suggestions, Mello."

"Release a leopard onto the grounds?"

"Where would we get a leopard? And how would that even help?"

"Well you're not really helping me come up with ideas!"

"You don't usually need any help." Matt sighed and adjusted his goggles. "If you act like you normally do around them, your roommates will ask to be moved pretty soon anyway."

"Not enough. We have to be drastic. So drastic that we'll always get our own room in future."

"Well, make them think that we're more dangerous separated than together. We'll need an excuse to be apart all the time, pretend we had a fight. Then we try to outdo each other at annoying everyone here."

"You're a genius."

"Duh."

"But Matt…" Mello bit his lip nervously.

"What's wrong?"

"You do realise that, for this, you'll need to get off your lazy arse?"

Matt rolled his eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

Mello scanned the dining hall as more children entered for breakfast. He subtly nudged Matt with an elbow.

 

"I'm going to get a drink." Matt grunted in acknowledgement, eyes glued to the screen of his console.

 

Mello flexed his fingers in their leather casings, punching buttons on the vendor for a hot chocolate. As he made his way back, he walked to close to the groups of boys near Matt. One of them was gesturing wildly, and as the group backed away, Mello stumbled on one of their feet, spilling his drink.

 

Matt glared up at him, holding his still-dripping GameBoy in his hands.

 

"Sorry Matt, I tripped and the gloves are kinda slippery so-"

 

"Your fucking gloves."

 

"…What?"

 

"This is your fault," Matt raised his voice. "You shouldn't be wearing gloves all the time! It's ridiculous!"

 

"Hey, you have a problem with my clothes?"

 

"Yes! They're all fucking squeaky and shit! It's so annoying! What are you, a Bond villain?" Matt spat, ignoring the gathering crowd.

 

"Maybe _you_ shouldn't be playing video games all the time! If it had been in your pocket, this wouldn't have happened! And you're one to talk about clothes! Who the fuck wears goggles outside of a swimming pool?!"

 

Matt swung the first punch, hitting Mello's cheek and pushing him back. Mello snarled and tackled him, knocking them both to the floor.

 

The surrounding children stared as the usually inseparable pair wrestled on the floor. Then they overcame the initial shock and cheered, supporting either boy.

 

It took seven people and the threat of a blowtorch to personal property to break up the fight.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really bad at writing fight scenes... Sorry.


End file.
